A friend recently sent me this video talking about the “daughterhood penalty” in caregiving, particularly caring for aging family members. It was an interesting conversation about how women are getting tagged to do the bulk of caregiving work for aging family members (while possibly also caring for young family members, aka “sandwiched” between the two generations) and the financial and professional penalties women may experience due to those demands.
While women are often doing this caregiving work it is something the entire family should be thinking about as we consider what life might look like for aging family members. When I was young my cousin’s jokingly developed a system of future care for their mothers that meant no one would have to live with their own mother, but rather with aunts or other extended family members, later in life. While it was a plan done made in jest it always struck me as a good one to avoid potential family conflicts.
Planning for caregiving throughout the family life cycles is a valuable tool, and one many families don’t feel comfortable talking about on their own. Sometimes expectations and past practices may weigh heavily and/or remain unspoken, causing conflicts when they emerge. Working with a mediator can help get some of these ideas into the light before critical decision-making is needed, letting everyone understand what their roles and commitments might be well in advance.
Thinking about family caregiving? Let’s chat to see if a mediation session would be helpful.
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